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So i have come to the conclusion that the world is fucked.See after a string of not so successful relationships i just decided to give up dateing.Little did i know that as soon as you actually do this it seems out of the wood work all these potential girl friend s appear.i Am quite aware that there is a drive in both sexes to try to get what they can't have .But i didn't realize that it would be like catnip.I mean im not trying to sound egotistical(little late now huh).It just seems that we as humans got it all back wards. See when i m interested in companionship it seems really hard to meet people, or everyone you meet is not single ect.The second you decide that you like your own company better then others it must give off this aloof sense of confidence or something that makes the kittys go meow.This also happens when im with a partner but i just always chalked that up to if i have a partner i don't flirt with others .I as well have to take in to the factor of the mateing frenzy that happens in the fall as no one wants to be alone over the holidays.This same frenzy happens around valentines day for that same reason ...stupid hallmark...Its not that i have given up on dateing forever i just came to the point that i just need to sort it all out .See i relize im a serial monogamist. I go from relationship to relationship not really giving myself a chance to just be free.Its not like all my relationships ever take on a particular pattern that i can say oh hey thats where i went wrong .Well other then the fact i seemed to go out with girls that were all bad for me just to satisfy my fear of commitment.I figured the worse they are for me the more sure i am it won't last.I mean i didn't think all this out consciously its just the way it turned out .I didn't just go for the bad ones i tried a few i think there perfect for me girls .But they all went wrong otherwise i would still be in them .I take solice in the fact that most of my exes are still my friends except for that smalll handfulll that i almost want to get restraining orders against.I guess i have to relize that in a way like most people i have commitmentaphobia .I guess at a certain point u start asking yerself the question can i see myself spending the rest of my life with this person ? And somehow it all starts to go downhill after that.Maybe an unconscious self sabotage.I take pride in the fact i have never cheated on any of my partners, i mean i wouldn't say i did it just for them i guess i just like that higher ground .Or maybe i just don't like bombs like that to go off in my face later when im not expecting it.(geee why did i get these tickets to jerry springer in the mail) I have definately become more cynical but the older i get the cyniczm isnt a dark place anymore , i guess when you accept the futility of it alll life becomes a funny light place.The big factor that has really turned me off of dateing is the bar scene. The bar scene in this city is prolly like most citys in the fact u can find the same people at the same bars year after year but they have all paired off with different people.I mean the ones you see going through the most partners well there just the most commitmentaphobic of the bunch.Then theres the tourists ,you know the ones that come in from subsurbia thinking the whole scene is cool and how nice it is to be not judged like in the subburbs...How wrong they can be .But i would rather a toursit in the bar scene then a resident i supose.There not as cynical as the residents.I guess the residents have a reason to be more cynical then the tourists.They don't know about all the low self esteem wanna be hustlers who  read those books on neural linguistic programming and studied phych just to get into there insecure  brains enough to say just the right thing to get into there pants and then blow them off like they were a pit stop on a road trip.I mean its both with men and women, i just seem to get exposed to the guy angle of it more often then not.It seems that if you had a bad time in high school getting dates then u make up for it in your twenties by exploiting all the girls you can find to try to satify this desire to prove yur worthy.It just seems to be a bottomless pit that will never be satisfied.And all the  women i have encountered that will use there feminine wiles to see what they can get men to give them in return for there exploiting them selves .i mean usually there very jaded about what men have done to them before and i guess its there way of protecting them selves.Its running into this type of woman too much that has really turned me cynical.Lets face it they don't call it the war of the sexes cuz people play fair .I can't blame women for them exploiting them selves because if men weren't such a receptive audience it wouldn't happen .Its just the futility of so many of these paths in life that people are takeing will lead them nowhere .I have walked too many a path that has lead me nowhere thats why i have just stopped to read my map to try to find a path that goes somewhere.